Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
