Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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