Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We left the knife in your bed.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
