dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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