Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Randomize
