i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
