The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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