Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
