yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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