Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
