Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
