The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just want nice things and good sex
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
