The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
