Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
