so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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