im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
