I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
