If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We left the knife in your bed.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
