I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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