this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
But we have bathrooms and they dont
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
