Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
