if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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