if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
