I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
