If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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