Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
