You really coming over, don't trick.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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