weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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