The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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