it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
