I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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