somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
