You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
