I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So much Jack, so little girl.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
