Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
