For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
