Your tits are I can't wait for
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
