I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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