he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
