I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
vagina is talking i cant
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
