The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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