yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
