I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Ladies don't puke and tell
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
