The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
