He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
