I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
