He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
