i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
