We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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