so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
