when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
