Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
