My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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