mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
