your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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