im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
