Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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