you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
