am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
