if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My ass is underappreciated
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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